The End of Body Shame: How to See Beautiful

When the Mirror Lies

The trauma may have happened when you were little or it may have happened last year. Someone made a comment about your body that cut deep and left a scar. Or perhaps you were the victim of abuse and the emotional effects have lingered much longer than the physical pain. Maybe outside criticism from your past manifested itself in self-loathing and has developed into an eating disorder. Unfortunately, body shame is not a unique experience for many Americans. In fact, one fifth of the U.S. population has reported feeling ongoing body shame over the past year and as many as 91% of American women say they’re unhappy with their physiques and are actively dieting. These numbers make it abundantly clear that overall, we’re not content with the skin we’re in. And that’s a problem. Our physical insecurities are driving up our anxiety and depression, not to mention creating a host of issues for our children. Body shame may be one of the most “accepted” forms of abuse and frankly, it’s ruining lives all around us.

The Cycle of Shame

“The body is a metaphor for the core self: how you experience your body is often similar to how you experience your core self. Experiencing your body with unpleasant feelings can reinforce shame circuits in your brain.”

– Dr. Glenn Schiraldi

Body shame can look a lot of different ways. You see your pre-teen squeezing her tummy and complaining that she’s fat. You find yourself avoiding doctor’s appointments because you suspect you’ll be told you’re overweight. A friend obsessively points out her own physical flaws. It is so easy for us to become our own worst critic, especially when it comes to our bodies. Afterall, no one knows your face like you do…or your arms…or your thighs. And that intimate knowledge of our own “imperfections” can quickly become the catalyst for self-hate, especially if someone else has ever pointed out the physical elements we’ve always been aware of. As Glenn Schiraldi writes in The Adverse Childhood Experiences Recovery Workbook, “The body is a metaphor for the core self: how you experience your body is often similar to how you experience your core self. Experiencing your body with unpleasant feelings can reinforce shame circuits in your brain.” So the cycle of body shame can be seemingly endless. And outside influences only make matters worse. When there has been actual verbal or physical abuse, we can crumble under the weight of what we think our bodies “should” or could have been like. Comments can play on repeat in our subconscious and we can feel condemned when we fail a diet or even eat a healthy meal. That’s when we know we’ve buckled under body shame. The good news, there is always a way out.

Shutting It Down

Healthy resolutions are one key to ending body shame in your own life and even in your sphere of influence…and the best news is, these resolutions have nothing to do with what you eat. Regardless of your size or weight, you can determine to change how you talk about body image…your own and other people’s…and that alone can make a huge difference in how you relate to your own core self and how you speak life over your friends and family. If you find yourself obsessively thinking about your own body, it may be time to seek professional help. But even between now and your first appointment, make a vow to speak and think positively about your body. It can start small…tell your face you’re thankful for your freckles and your smile. Tell your legs you’re thankful they allow you to walk. Tell your arms you’re thankful for how strong they are. You don’t have to believe your words at first. Practice thankfulness until you feel it start to grow within you. Then speak those same words of gratefulness over your daughter’s body or your best friend’s. Body shaming does not have to wreck your life, and in your own healing, you can even start to play a role of healing in the lives of those around you.

Verified Reliable Sources for The Content in this Article: Schiraldi, Glenn R. The Adverse Childhood Experiences Recovery Workbook: Heal the Hidden Wounds from Childhood Affecting Your Adult Mental and Physical Health. New Harbinger Publications, 2021.

Put It Into Practice

If you’re struggling with a certain area of your body, there are mindfulness practices that may help you reconnect to your self-core and help you develop compassion and love for your body.

Speak Life
Try holding a small object (a tennis ball or fidget tool) in one hand to focus. Close your eyes and mentally zone in on the area of your body you consider flawed. Try to remember a negative comment that was made about this area…one you’ve spoken over yourself or one that you heard from someone else. Then take some deep breaths and as you exhale, exhale them into that area of your body. Imagine that your breath is healing that area from wounding and condemnation. What do you think that area of your body would say to you in this moment? What would you say back to it? Remember gratefulness and compassion. 

Experience freedom
Next time you take a picture with a friend, just let it go. Don’t hurry to the cell phone to critique yourself or approve the image. Just walk away and enjoy the next item on your agenda, knowing that your body is just as it should be and experiencing gratefulness for who you are.

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