Did you know stressful relationships actually carry hidden health hazards with them?
Stress & Love & Love & Stress
No one said living with relationships was easy.
In fact, the acclaimed author C.S. Lewis once wrote:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements.”
And anyone who has ever loved, must agree. When you love someone else, you give them a part of yourself that is subject to disappointment, betrayal, anger, and frustration…just as much as it is subject to joy, gratefulness, fulfillment, and peace. The day in and day out struggles of life with someone can wear anyone down and even in the healthiest of relationships, conflicts will arise. Perspectives won’t always align, preferences won’t match, and personalities will clash. You can count on it.
But what we haven’t always known is how profound the affects of severe conflict can have on the human body. When a relationship experiences significant damage, more than our mental and emotional peace is disrupted. Our body takes account of our stress, depression, and anger and begins to weaken under the strain.
Broken Hearts
Ongoing conflict takes its toll on every part of our lives, from our mental peace to the very strength of our bones.
An American Heart Association study published in 2021 followed a test group of women for over a decade to measure the results of personal social strain on their cardiovascular health. The women were asked to number how many relationships depleted them, manipulated them, ignored them, or simply irritated them in life. Once they were defined with “low”, “medium”, or “high” social strain as determined by their numbers, they were followed up for 15 years to see if there was any correlation between their social and physical health. The women who regularly experienced “high” social strain were 9 times as likely to develop cardiovascular disease as those women who experienced “low” social strain. Researchers have even found that women who deal with high levels of relational conflict tend to have lower bone density as they age. There seems to be a connection to the high levels of blood cortisol that stress causes and eventual bone thinning. The evidence is compelling. Ongoing conflict takes its toll on every part of our lives.
Mending for Health
You may suspect that some of your own relationships are making life difficult and wearing your body down. After all, it doesn’t take a 15 year study to recognize that you’re not sleeping well, can’t focus, are always distracted by relational drama, or have picked up on unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Taking care of ourselves is often the first step towards healing our relationships with others.
The first step to healing is defining what exactly is wrong. Name the relationships that make you feel: exhausted, betrayed, disrespected, or imbalanced. Consider what you’ve given to the relationship in question. Does it need more time? Is it steadily getting better? What, if anything, do you need to make more of an effort on?
If you feel like you’ve given all you can give, it may be time to explore boundaries. If you haven’t been forthright in your communication, it may be time to communicate more clearly in order to address the issues head on. And if you feel overwhelmed, it may be time to find some space between you and your loved one. A therapist can help you process your options, but chances are, unless you’re in an abusive situation, a healthy version of your relationship is possible with time and care.
As difficult as it is to wrap our heads around, taking care of ourselves is often the first step towards healing our relationships with others. Give yourself time to heal, to practice good boundaries, to give energy towards your own joy and well-being. The more of a healthy whole person you become, the more you’ll be the partner, parent, child, and friend that your loved ones need.
Put It Into Practice
Did you know that having good friends can extend your life expectancy by up to 24%?____
In fact, having a few healthy friendships can help protect your mental and physical health. Healthy social connections have been proven to boost our immunity, lower blood pressure, and help us decompress from everyday pressures. Picking up your phone to call or text a friend can diffuse stress faster than just about anything else. Next time you feel overwhelmed or depressed, connect rather than cope. Your body will thank you for it.
Other Interesting Reads about Healthy Relationships
Verified Reliable Sources for the Content in This Article: Fostering healthy relationships via Harvard Medical School