Building Strong Parent/Teen Bonds for a Bright Future

From Trouble to Thriving

The truth is, the teen years may always be challenging, but they don’t need to be terrible. After all, teenagehood is a stage of life we all walk through, survive, and typically end up still in relationship with our family and at least a couple good friends. There may be rough patches along the way and plenty of emotional growth for both the teens and their parents, but thriving through the precarious teens is not only possible, it’s essential for young adults to enter their twenties feeling confident in who they are and the support they have at home. Modern research provides us with plenty of evidence that the better their relationships with parents and mentors are, the more capable teens are as they transition into adulthood. 

A Firm Foundation

Your number one goal should be becoming a safe person for your teen.

Since it’s so imperative for teens to have healthy relationships with their parents, there needs to be a strong foundation already in place before the teen years arrive. When does the foundation need to be laid? The answer is: early. We all know that safe, loving parental relationships are important for infants and children of all ages, but intentional relationship building with growing middle schoolers can lay an even stronger foundation for them as they develop into their teen years. Considering what you want your future relationship to look like with your adolescent can help you build on what the next 5 - 10 years with them can be. What do they need to know about you in order to understand you better? What do you need to know about them to see things from their perspective at times? What special hobbies or interests can you pursue together to create some commonality and friendship in the future? Taking time out of your day to have meaningful, uninterrupted conversations with your adolescent will reap major rewards as they mature and you age. These conversations needn’t be long or planned out ahead of time. Putting a snack together  after school or turning the radio off during a car ride will provide more than enough time to “check-in”, build on some common ground, and create the trust you’ll need in more challenging moments.

How to Talk the Talk

Teens can be tricky. Their emotions are often controlled by hormones, their opinions are being formed and can seem extreme, and even though they still love their families fervently, they may be also practicing distancing themselves from the familial unit in order to successfully fly the coop one day. You’ll likely find that one day, they’re talking your ear off about school drama or a hobby you have no interest in, and the next day they’re giving you the cold shoulder. Learning how to engage them in both casual and more serious conversation can be a relationship life saver.

1. Learn what is important to them and celebrate, celebrate, celebrate.
   Is your teen looking forward to a birthday but can’t stand a party? Follow their lead in how you observe their special day. Is passing the driver’s test consuming their thoughts while their grades take a temporary backseat? Try being supportive and making a big deal when they finally land their license. When your teen knows that not only they are important to you, but what is important to them is important to you, they’ll begin to trust you more as you lend advice.

2. Learn to listen.
   When you have something urgent to say, it may feel like torture to listen to someone else’s thoughts on the subject, but taking the time to hear out your teen will make a lasting impression. Whenever possible, engage in a two-sided discussion rather than simply telling them what they should do. Not only will they know the value of being heard, they’ll learn how to converse productively with others in the future.

3. Become the safe place.
   Your number one goal should be becoming a safe person for your teen. Learning to listen, give grace, relate to their problems, and provide non-judgemental advice is key to creating the mentorship relationship that will define your relationship for the majority of your lives together. 

Look forward to the teen years as they approach! Embracing shared growth and seeking new opportunities to learn from and love your kiddo through the teen years will make this era a far more joyful one for both of you. 

Put It Into Practice

If your teen has trouble talking directly to you about upsetting or emotional subjects, try a new way of communicating with them.

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Go for a walk when you discuss heavy or sensitive topics. Avoiding eye contact may be the key to allowing him or her to spill their guts without feeling overwhelmed or nervous. If your kiddo is more of a writer than a talker, consider a shared journal that you can pen your thoughts back and forth in. This could create a sweet space for communication that is both thoughtful and personal.

Other Interesting Reads about Healthy Relationships

Verified Reliable Sources for the Content in This Article:
“The Importance of Healthy Parent-Teen Relationships”