Overwhelming Emotions Calling the Shots? Take a R.E.S.T.
Extreme Emotions Exhaust
Something sets you off. Road rage, your boss, your kids, or maybe just lack of sleep frays your nerves. Someone says something seemingly innocent and you explode in rage, dissolve into tears, or shut yourself out from the world. Words come out that you don’t mean and then, in order to gain some sense of control, you fall into an often relied-on habit to numb or comfort you. Sound familiar? The cycle seems endless. Overwhelming emotions can make us feel enslaved to our feelings…but it doesn’t have to be that way.
What To Do With The Feelings
We don’t like pain. Some of the most natural responses to discomfort or hurt is defensiveness and self-protection; we may snap back or shut down, trying to guard ourselves from further shame. What’s not natural is for those feelings to lead to destructive behaviors. When we completely “lose it”, we’ll often help ourselves cope with guilt by doing something that will only spin us out into further distress: self-harm, over-eating, over-drinking, or simply avoiding activities that we’ve previously enjoyed. Fortunately, there are tools we can rely on to help us through the tough moments of emotional upheaval. Therapists find that the R.E.S.T. tool is widely helpful and while it may take some practice, can redirect our responses into meaningful, positive experiences.
R - Relax
Just stop. Before you say the thing you’ll regret, walk out the door, open the bottle, or grab the food, just stop. This first part may feel incredibly difficult in the midst of rage or disappointment but controlling your body and your speech is the first step towards freedom. Take some deep breaths. Remember that you have choices to make…you are not controlled by how you feel in the moment.
E - Evaluate
Evaluate. Get curious about how you feel and what got you here. Ask yourself some good questions, even if you don’t have the answers. Look around you as you breathe deeply and consider whether or not you are truly in immediate risk. Ask yourself how to calmly move forward. Give yourself lots of grace for the anger, hurt, or panic you feel in the moment by observing but not acting on your feelings.
S - Set An Intention
What is your new goal? Sure, you could pursue the destructive behavior you’ve often practiced. But you could also decide to do something else. Maybe your goal is to get home and take a hot bath. Maybe your new goal is to call a friend. Maybe your new goal is to calm down enough to pray. Take control of your next step. Do the next right thing.
T - Take Action
Leave you current situation mindfully. Calmly gather your belongings to leave or make yourself some tea as you call a friend. Be aware that you are making decisions to move forward rather than being propelled by your erratic feelings. Your intentionality is leading you towards health.
Verified Reliable Sources for The Content in this Article: The Dialectical Behavior Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, PhD, Jeffery C Wood, PsyD, and Jeffery Brantley, MD
Put It Into Practice
Like knowing where your “safe space” is before the storm hits, knowing the tools in your toolbox for mental wellness can be one of the most important exercises for health and success. Looking over the R.E.S.T. practice, decide what decisions you need to make now before conflict arises.Relax
What helps you relax? Memorize a Scripture that will help you feel God’s peace or jot it down on a note in your wallet. Practice deep breathing when it’s easy so you’ll know how it should feel when you’re distressed.
Evaluate
Decide what questions to ask yourself when you’re evaluating your situation. Maybe start with “Is anyone in danger?” and move to “How do I feel?”
Set Intention
What is a positive goal you can easily reach for? Getting home and reading to your kiddo? Making a good dinner? Listening to your favorite music? Take note of it now and use it to help set your intention.
Take Action
Find an easy first step to take. Breathe a prayer. Drink some water. Make the first step accessible so that success is nearer than it feels.
Rely on what you know to be helpful the next time your emotions want to take control. Have hope and heal!