How Your Leadership Style Can Transform Conflict in Your Life
Your paradigm–how you see the world–blended with your personality, strengths & weakness, preferences & avoidances, all have so much to do with how you receive friendship and approach conflict. That’s why it’s so helpful to invest time in self-discovery. Knowing who you are can help so much as you live in relationship with others.
When we look at conflict management in our personal lives, it’s helpful to take a note from the corporate world and discover how leadership styles can affect–positively or negatively–the organizations they lead.
Leadership Types
It sounds like something you’d hear at a first-grader’s t-ball game but it’s true…We’re All Leaders! Even though we may not all identify as CEOs or even managers, we all lead in someone in some way. Let’s say your role is always behind the scenes and it feels as if no one’s watching. Chances are, you’re leading a co-worker, a family member, a friend, a church member, or a neighbor by your very example. So it’s important to take a little time and reflect on what kind of leader you naturally are and how that may affect your response when relational trouble begins to brew.
Servant Leaders
This leader leads by the example of serving others first. Key traits of the servant leader are: considering the teams’ (or families’) needs, not blinking before getting their hands dirty, and taking action. This style is inspiring and encouraging and often effortlessly leads others to become better versions of themselves. In conflict, the servant leader will generally take time to hear out the other party, try to understand their position, and move towards reconciliation without compromising their own beliefs and goals.
Transformational Leaders
Transformational leaders are marked by their development skills. They motivate and inspire others to make the necessary changes to achieve their goals, acquire new abilities, and positively impact their community. Their focus on excellence often results in the cultivation of positive habits among team members, such as managing expectations, handling disappointment, and effective communication (for instance, teaching children how to resolve conflicts between siblings). These habits naturally foster healthy conflict resolution practices, leading to improved team dynamics and relationships.
Perhaps re-identifying ourselves as the leaders we in actuality are is the first step towards becoming better leaders.
Authoritarian Leaders
You guessed it. These leaders can be difficult. But they can also be highly effective. While the authoritarian leader doesn’t appreciate sharing leadership, doesn’t welcome advice, and can micro-manage, they shine in emergencies when someone must take the lead. The problem often lies in a lack of trust of others, and often times surrounding staff (family members, community) can abandon ship when conflicts are never resolved. The Authoritarian leader would much rather pretend they never did anything wrong than face a problem head on and find a solution. Even if you’re simply conflict avoidant, you may see yourself here.
Laissez-Faire Leaders
These leaders may seem ideal at first. They’ll stay out of your way, seem to implicitly trust you, and casually approach stressful situations and tasks. But these leaders will often lack any true leadership qualities, vision, or impetus to better the organization (or family). So conflict will arise more than ever under their leadership, as community members will struggle to understand their role, the goal of the team, or what exactly is expected of them. Frequent conflict poorly managed is a recipe for disaster (i.e. arguing with your spouse or letting the children scream at each other without any resolution).
We All Have Something To Learn
Whether you find yourself more in the positive or negative examples of leadership here, it’s fair to say we probably all have something to learn about how we’re managing day to day conflict in our lives. Perhaps reidentifying ourselves as the leaders we in actuality are is the first step towards becoming better leaders who strive to set healthy examples for those around us, ultimately fostering a culture of empathy and reconciliation in our workplaces and homes.
Verified Reliable Sources for the Content in This Article: “Conflict Management” Scholarly Article by Yasmyne Ronquillo, MD, MS, JD and Vickie L. Ellis, MS
Put It Into Practice
Jot down some thoughts about the last time you found yourself in the middle of conflict…or even just a hard conversation.____
How did you naturally respond? Did you feel a lump in your throat and a pit in your stomach and want to run out the door? Did you feel excited by the opportunity to set things straight or make peace? This might be the first clue to what kind of leadership style you practice. Do you want to learn from your mistakes and strengthen relationships? Or are you always right and can’t trust others’ experiences? If the conversation went sideways, bullet point things that both parties may have done better to move forward. It’s never too late to tweak your leadership style and move forward feeling more equipped and ready to seek reconciliation! Learning and growing is a natural part of everyone’s path. Embrace something new!
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