Lost in a Sea of Feelings? Here's Your Compass

February 27, 2024 Casey Sigler

Feelings are fickle.

Some of us were raised to embrace our emotions, while others of us were taught to stuff, stuff, stuff, and depending on the kind of home you were raised in, chances are your feelings towards your feelings are complicated.

Deceit or Depth?

Often, as we’re seeking truth about the reality of our lives and the world around us, we are told that emotions can be deceitful. And sometimes that can be true. Anyone who has ever been in a close relationship knows that just because you may feel a certain way, doesn’t necessarily mean your emotions are helping you see the truth about a situation. Feelings can work to self-protect at all costs, even when a threat is not present. But feelings can also get us to acknowledge the real problem beneath the surface, understand the root of our issue, and help us define what it is we are really experiencing in life. Emotions are helpful, and especially valuable when we are able to learn what they mean, define them well, and spend time navigating them. Research shows that children who are regularly taught about their emotions do better in school and adults with emotional intelligence are less likely to be aggressive or form harmful habits when they’re distressed. Knowing how to get to the bottom of our feelings means handling our feelings well and handling ourselves gently too.

“What Is This?”

Maybe the best practice we can begin when we start to feel a new emotion is asking ourselves, “What is this?”. A simple question like this can help you make sense of things when you feel like you’re emotionally drowning and directionless.

Asking this questions means that we can’t ignore what we’re feeling but we also can’t take it for face value. Here are some tips for seeing your emotions for what they really are:

A simple question like this can help you make sense of things when you feel like you’re emotionally drowning and directionless.

Avoid using nondescript words like bad, sad, happy, good when you’re taking stock of what you’re feeling. Think of more descriptive words that will get at the root of what you’re feeling. Think “angry, thrilled, nervous, rejected, hopeful” and so on. Try to understand why you’re feeling what you’re feeling instead of ruminating on the feeling itself.
Journal what you’re feeling. Writing emotions down can validate what you’re experiencing or help you see that there may not be so much to be upset or anxious about. Either way, giving words to our feelings can help us see what’s really going on.
If you’re a verbal processor, you’ll find that telling someone else about your feelings can be very helpful as you sort out your emotions. Call a trusted friend, mentor or counselor and ask them to help you navigate what it happening.

Find Calm

The emotions we notice are usually the ones that are heightened. Once you think you know what you’re really feeling, it’s important to use that knowledge and help yourself regulate (or “even out”). Use deep breathing to regulate your nervous system and assure your body that you’re not in danger. Give your new feelings a name and begin to move forward into your day.

Becoming more emotionally aware is one of the most profound ways we can help ourselves and our loved ones on a daily basis. Challenge yourself to build your emotional vocabulary this year or learn how to process your feelings more thoroughly and enjoy the ability to manage and learn from what you feel.

Put It Into Practice

Next time you find yourself in an irritating situation, be intentional about realizing what you really feel.

____

For example, let’s say a car cuts you off in traffic, and you feel rage.
But what’s below that feeling?

1. Are you hurt because you feel invisible?

2. Are you feeling disrespected?

3. Feeling afraid?

Try to put your finger on exactly what you feel and let yourself linger on that for a while. Once you’ve been able to appreciate the new vocabulary you’ve used, try feeling grateful for one thing and see how that changes your feelings for the better.

Hope & Healing