Unique Styles

Ever notice how some people seem to thrive on debate, while others shrink away from even the slightest disagreement? You likely just pictured 2 people in your head that match those descriptions! From how we order our coffee to how we choose our clothes, our individual styles shape everything we do—including how we handle conflict. While your mother may deal with conflict head-on, your sister may shy away from any interpersonal confrontation, and you may approach every argument with a compromising appeal for peace. We’re all entering disagreements with past experiences and natural inclinations, so it’s helpful (and fascinating) to investigate the differing styles of conflict and determine how you and those you’re closest to respond to disagreement. It most certainly will give you a leg up as you face the next inevitable moment you don’t see eye to eye.

Fight or Flight?

Recognizing your conflict style empowers healthier communication and stronger relationships.

The beauty of familiarizing yourself with the different conflict styles is being able to appreciate them when a dispute arises. By sheer nature and personality, you may find yourself always adopting a single conflict style, but that doesn’t mean that that particular style is always the best way to handle a disagreement. In a healthy argument, you may find that there are a handful of good ways to settle the difference of opinion and make peace. Consider the following styles and try to determine where you naturally fall, where your loved ones, peers, and colleagues fall, and where those styles may work for or against peace in unique situations.

The Turtle Style

Belief: Conflict is inherently destructive and cannot be resolved through discussion.

Those with the Turtle instinct don’t truly believe deep down that conflict can ever be fully resolved through discussion, so they shy away from any type of confrontation, and they feel hopeless in a dispute. Sounds bleak? The Turtle Style can have some benefits! When activated in a disagreement where the stakes are low, when a confrontation will do far more relational harm than good, or when the dispute is best handled by other parties, the Turtle instinct may be the best way to handle conflict.  Don’t count Turtles completely out…they may be a bridge to real peace in the right situations.

The Owl Style

Belief: Conflict presents an opportunity for growth, understanding, and strengthened relationships.

To these individuals, a dispute is nothing more than a problem that can be solved to make a relationship grow stronger. The only way to fully satisfy an Owl instinct during strife is by finding a complete and fully satisfactory answer that makes both parties content. Owls can be exacting and take plenty of time as they determine the best ways to come to a pleasant outcome. The best times to use an Owl Instinct is when the relationships at stake truly matter, when time isn’t a restraint, and when commitment is important to both parties.

The Fox Style

Belief: Compromise is the most effective way to maintain relationships and achieve a mutually acceptable outcome.

People who adopt a Fox instinct approach disputes with the prerogative to compromise. They seek to find a solution for both parties, preserving the relationship and requiring everyone to give a little on something that matters to them. The Fox conflict style means peace at all costs and is an ideal way to approach conflict in most situations. 

The Shark Style

Belief: Winning the conflict is paramount, even at the expense of relationships.

This is perhaps the most aggressive form of conflict style. These folks don’t back down, aim for compromise, or make concessions to what they set out to prove. They will bully, manipulate, or badger the opposing party and finding peace is their last priority. But even this conflict style can be useful when an unpopular opinion is necessary to enforce or a time restraint limits the process of resolution.

The Teddy Bear Style

Belief: Maintaining harmony is more important than asserting my own needs or opinions.

Those with a Teddy Bear instinct undervalue their own opinions in order to preserve relationships. Wanting to please other people is always more important to them than anything else, and they will cower to make sure disputes are settled quickly–even when it means they completely lose their own preferences. While this accommodating style might make these individuals seem like pushovers, it can be valuable when time is limited, the outcome is less important than preserving the relationship, or when maintaining harmony is the top priority.

Recognizing these conflict styles empowers you to navigate disagreements with greater awareness and empathy, fostering healthier communication and building more resilient relationships!

Put It Into Practice

Feeling riled up?!

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Take a deep breath and consider how you want to approach this unique conflict, not how you naturally or normally do. Practice makes perfect even in conflict resolution, so consider what’s at stake, possible outcomes, and prioritize your goals. “Shop” conflict styles until you find one that meets the needs of both parties and then do your best to implement it.

Other interesting reads about conflict

Verified reliable sources for this article:
Mastering Human Relations, 3rd Ed. by Anthony Falikowski