All I Want for Christmas is to Get Along
The Family that Holidays Together…Sometimes Just Ends Up Mad
We’ve all seen the comedic Christmas movies where family shenanigans ensue and the joy of the entire holiday season is threatened. There’s usually a dog involved, a tacky grandma, somebody with an inappropriate last name, or a couple in crisis. We laugh as they: 1. Dread seeing each other, 2. Spend time together, 3. Property gets destroyed and finally, 4. They end up realizing that they love all of their eccentric kin and the reason for the season has nothing to do with gifts. Then we feel all warm and snuggly and glowy. The end.
That’s the holiday story about family that we love. It is not always our own holiday story. As we walk into a week jam packed with celebration and parties and family gathering, it may be the perfect time to take stock of healthy ways to manage tricky conversations with the people in your life that “you didn’t choose and you can’t lose”.
Did He Just Say That? Who Wants Pie?
The world we live in is so incredibly divided and the convictions run deep. Chances are, there is someone in your extended family who doesn’t see things the way you do. In fact, one study says that up to 69% of Americans experience some kind of conflict with their family during the holiday season. But that doesn’t mean we can’t share a lovely meal together or enjoy every moment of our Christmas alongside of them. What it may mean is that you need to prepare yourself for what the holidays might look like, how it may be different from previous years’ celebrations and what you need to do if the conversation begins to make you feel uncomfortable. A game plan for dealing with conflictual topics could help you avoid the strangeness of having to remove yourself from the situation or keep you from dreading the next gathering. And if children are involved, it is even more important to keep them from feeling emotional unrest.
‘Tis The Season To Not Neglect Yourself
Health is a huge topic for our day in time. As we all grapple with the last nearly two years of pandemic, we’re more aware than ever of not only our physical health but how fragile our mental and emotional game may be as well. So as you approach the coming days, take care to take care of you. This means plenty of sleep, maintaining your habits of movement, and if you’re a person of faith, focusing your prayer life on the purpose for the season and asking for grace when dealing with people who trigger you. Some professionals recommend taking 15 minute breathers for alone time in the midst of gatherings. This may help calm your central nervous system and bring you back to a state of peace. Give yourself the gift of rest during your celebrations (both physically and emotionally) so that your mental health and familial relationships are on track for a terrific 2022.
Sources & References for The Content in this Article: Very Well Mind, Prevention
Put It Into Practice
Some practical tips for navigating those tricky conversations instead of crawling under the table (which sounds way better sometimes).See The Good In Everyone
Perhaps one of the best ways to love on the family that gets under your skin is to simply love them despite their faults and opinions. Put aside your differences and see them for who they have always been to you, what gifts they bring to your family, and by remembering good times together from the past.
Think Ahead
If you foresee a possible awkward argument or conversation, have a game plan before you are in the moment. Come up with a way to kindly redirect the conversation. Or take a deep breath and listen to what your relatives have to say about issues you don’t agree with. It never hurts to gain perspective, if you can do so without getting upset or feeling hurt.
Have Some Good Conversation Topics Ready To Go
Write conversation starters on the place markers for the holiday meal. If every family member has a guided fun question to ask or a story to tell, it may help steer you clear of divisive topics you’re hoping to avoid.
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Luke Lewallen, Mental Health Counselor