Call it a Comeback

“Chin up.” The phrase is short, trite, and overused, but the sentiment is clear. You’ve fallen, you’ve been traumatized, you’re grieving, and everything feels wrong, but you’ve got control of at least one facet of your life…how you hold your head. Keep your gaze up and you’ll feel better. Look ahead instead of focusing on the past. But “keeping the faith” involves much more than where your gaze is set. The practice of resilience is, in fact, a practice; an intentional behavior that involves the deeper inner work of finding peace within ourselves even when life brings tragedy.

The Two Paths of Resilience

There are two main ways people respond to trauma: with fear and distrust or with adaptation and hope. Some of us encounter life's hardships and feel emotionally wrecked, falling into patterns of fear and distrust. This can lead to an internal belief that life is inherently dangerous and that trauma is inevitable, leaving us feeling powerless to protect ourselves. Others process trauma through a lens of security, maintaining a belief that no matter what challenges arise, we are capable of adaptation, growth, and hope. How we respond in moments of tragedy is often shaped by the environment of our childhood. Children raised in homes where trauma is acknowledged, grief is allowed, and hope is fostered tend to grow up with greater confidence in themselves and their futures.

However, the experiences we’ve had as adults can shape our reactions and color our perspectives as well. Most of us learn to survive. The demands of our day-to-day lives, families, and jobs create a drive within us to get out of bed in the morning even when we’ve been knocked down.

Two Types of Resilience

Resilience is not just about keeping your 'chin up,' but about actively choosing connection, fostering hope, and cultivating a deep sense of inner security to navigate life's challenges and emerge stronger.

Researchers have identified that while some individuals practice functional resilience, meaning that they keep going for the sake of their livelihoods and immediate relationships, other people keep going because of a deeply rooted feeling of security and peace. These individuals practice existential resilience. They have a natural sense of “hardiness” that allows them to see above their current circumstances and cling to the hope of the future. 

The Source of Your Hardiness

A key way of identifying what type of resilience you practice is by observing who you are in crisis. Psychologists note that individuals who practice commitment in crisis, rather than isolation, have a healthier form of hardiness that allows for long-term healing while continuing to integrate with the world around them and their communities. Those who pull away from their social circles and faith families weaken themselves and their connections with others. While it may feel impossible, actively practicing existential resilience (even if it means stepping out of your hormonal behaviors) means giving yourself a leg up on your healing journey.

Remember, resilience is not just about keeping your "chin up," but about actively choosing connection, fostering hope, and cultivating a deep sense of inner security to navigate life's challenges and emerge stronger.

Put It Into Practice

When parents are trying to bounce back

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Juggling your own emotions and grief can be hard enough without also caring for the emotional health of your children. Parenting through trauma can feel impossible, but resilience at home can shape your child's future "hardiness." Acknowledging your grief and theirs is impactful. Assure your family with truths you hold, even if they don’t feel true in the moment. Healthy perspectives require practice, rhythm, and care.

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Verified reliable sources for this article:
The Positive Psychology of Personal Transformation by James Garbarino