To Process Your Emotions, You First Have to Know What They Are 

“How are you doing today?”

We ask, or are asked, this question too many times a day to count. And it’s pretty easy to answer, right?

“I’m fine!”

“Good, thanks!”

“Not bad, just tired!”

“Busy, busy, busy!”

And then the inevitable, “What about you?” which is typically followed by an equally short response. And sometimes, that’s completely fine! We can’t dive deep with everyone. But what about when a friend or loved one asks you how you’re doing—like, how you’re really doing—and all you can manage to give them is one of those surface-level answers? We’ve all been there: unable to discern, much less share, the conditions of our hearts and states of our souls. We want to be vulnerable and authentic, but we just can’t quite figure out what’s going on inside, much less how to express it.

The good news is, there are a vast array of tools out there—developed by clinical psychologists, social workers, therapists, and mental health counselors—that you can incorporate into your life to discover exactly what you’re feeling. Articulating what’s going on inside you can be a powerful tool that fuels your relationships. Think about the meaningful conversations you could have with a friend if you were honest next time they ask how you’re doing!

Today, we’re starting a new series called “Toolbox,” filling your mental health toolbelt with easy-to-use methods to help you thrive.

Tool #1: The Feelings Wheel 

First up is the Feelings Wheel—also known as the Emotions Wheel. And it is what it sounds like: a wheel made up of feelings and emotions! 130 of them, to be precise. Developed by Dr. Gloria Willcox to help her clients in couples therapy identify their feelings, this color-coded counseling tool has been used for decades both by mental health professionals and individuals seeking to become more self-aware and emotionally intelligent. There are seven core feelings that make up the inner portion of the wheel. As the wheel fans out, those initial primary emotions become more and more specific. Take a look:

Case Study

We don’t know about you, but we think this tool is an emotional awareness gamechanger! 

Let’s do a bit of a “case study” to see just how helpful this tool can be. Let’s say you feel angry, but you don’t know why. Instead of popping a blood vessel trying to pull the particulars out of your subconscious, you can start with the Feelings Wheel. Beyond being angry, do you feel let down? Humiliated? Bitter? 
Let’s say bitter strikes a chord. Do you feel indignant—upset at what you perceive to be unfair treatment? Maybe you realize that your boss has been playing favorites again, and you feel slighted and fed up. Or perhaps you feel violated—like someone has disrespected you by crossing a boundary without your permission. From there, you can ask if this is a pattern, if it was intentional or accidental, or if an honest conversation is in order.

Instead of being short-circuited by a shallow understanding of what you’re feeling—or perhaps just by an emotional vocabulary that’s still developing! No shame!—the Feelings Wheel arms you with seven core emotions and then 122 specific feelings that flow from those emotions in order to help you name, process, and express what you’re feeling at work, at home, in your counselor’s office, or even just with yourself. Having the self awareness to articulate what you’re feeling can be a powerful tool that builds depth in your relationships.

So, how are you doing today? 
How are you really doing?